June 30th Blog

The start of my Cambodia service trip can be summarized into one thing: unexpected. Before arriving, I had developed my own expectations for the country, the people, the orphanage, and the school. These expectations have quickly been proven wrong. On Wednesday, our group got a much needed history lesson. We visited the Tuol Sleng Prison Museum and the Choeung Ek Genocidal Center also known as S-21 and the Killing Fields, respectively, during the rule of the Khmer Rouge. Being there and seeing the still blood-stained rooms where millions of people people suffered and died provoked so many emotions that I had never experienced before. Among these emotions, I felt sad, angry, confused, and a few that are hard to explain.  Most of all, I was terrified: feeling the fear that ruled the lives of an entire country. Although I cannot compare what I felt to the real thing, I feel that I have a better understanding of the Khmer people. Now the next step is to help people with a new understanding.

                On Thursday, I was assigned to teach at the English School. Because it was our first day, our job was to observe the classes and get a general idea of what we would be teaching. For whatever reason, I saw this as a chance to relax. I did not realize how important learning English was to these kids. In the USA, learning a new language is just another boring class that students have to sit through. However, in Cambodia learning English is a vital part to opening up a world of opportunity. With English, students can go on to follow opportunities such as getting a higher education, becoming a translator, or becoming part of the tourism industry. Because I did not choose to understand this, I did things half-heartedly when the teacher asked me to help pronounce words, count to ten, or read a book in English. At the end of the day, the teacher asked me to help students read a book in English. As I did, I realized how hard the students were trying to understand the words and pronounce the words correctly, then I realized how my attitude and behavior was not helping them. At this moment, something inside of me clicked. My attitude changed directions and I became excited to teach. Unfortunately, the day ended soon after, and I did not get a chance to work harder. I feel a huge sense of regret and failure when I think about that day. So, I have made a personal goal to never end a day feeling the same way I did at the school, and I can do that by always finding a way to be more efficient and involved.

                Though it has only been a few days, I feel that I have recognized many important things. I have grasped why it seems that the whole country shares a deep sadness which inspires me to help. I have also realized how important it is to always give my best, no matter what it is that I’m doing. Finally, I have learned that being useful doesn’t always mean you have to be good at what you’re doing; you just have to want to help. I’m eager to find out what else Cambodia will teach me.